Uncharted Territory
There's nothing in the world more demeaning at all, than being a woman and not feeling like one, and feeling so small.
There's nothing worse than allowing someone's actions to affect your life in such a huge fraction.
Once A month, something as a woman, so natural happens, but doesn't feel natural when the easiest option causes so much anxiety and makes you think "stop it"... it’s something so thin, so easy and so small, they say, that can enter your body and just solve it all, to push it away.
Daily we are faced with challenges as women, but this challenge makes me feel so incredibly alone- because of the details of it, I'm the only one that can conquer the fear, something I've avoided, for so many years.
a very private fear that I've kept to myself, something i never knew what to do or what to say, to put down my pride and to just ask for help. being honest is key, and trust is a must, I’ve taken some advice, and a connection to my own body is something i am no longer willing to sacrifice.
Something so simple and normal for many, brings me back to a time, where the pain was so plenty. Back to a touch- an unwanted entrance inside, that a girl at 12 years old shouldn’t have to survive .
Photo by Johnny Nguyen on Unsplash
Photo by Johnny Nguyen on Unsplash
This touch has caused my body to not feel, or feel too much. Since that day in 2004, I've been sensitive to that kind of touch.
I've tried to avoid this, for many many years- but with healing I've been told, you've got to face this and change it, it's not worth the tears or the fears- A drink, a pill, anything to not feel the chill.
A chill down my spine, no, this is not fine. They say, there comes a time- when my body is mine, and there comes a time- where a line that was crossed- doesn't feel to me - like time that's been lost.
I deserve to have control, I deserve to love my body, I deserve to live my life, and to put the trauma that I've faced, back on the shelf, for myself.
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