The Journey
I sit curled
Bowed down with the weight
Of my past.
The weight he left behind
Bounces around on my spine
A mad leprechaun
Dancing on my backbone
Gibbering nonsense to no-one.
Something changes
I straighten,
The little man falls away
Like an acorn off the hood
Of an accelerating car
So much of nothing
Now left at the side of the road.
Photo by Dave Poore on Unsplash
Photo by Dave Poore on Unsplash
Uncurled, I can now see
Where I am going
Turn right, turn left
This is where I want to be
I lift my head
Watch the passing trees
Blink by with their whispering branches.
What lies ahead?
Who waits there for me?
Can we curl together
This time in comfort
And solidarity
This time with smiles
And small giggles?
I take your hand and caress each finger
From knuckle to knuckle
Bouncing down the ridges of bone
Like an acorn.
I smell your smell
Comforting like a seaside breeze
Cigarette smell a distant memory
I brush away the imaginary smoke
And breathe in musky delicate perfume
Your smell.
Photo by Abdul Gani M on Unsplash
Photo by Abdul Gani M on Unsplash
I see your eyes
Crinkled around the edges
Gazing into mine
Wanting to know
Are you fine
Are you whole
Are the hurt places healing?
I watch my wounds heal
Skin growing back over hurt places
Turning rawness into smooth
Smooth into strong.
Skin is amazing
Keeping one inside
Keeping the other outside
But touch communicates across
Many barriers.
I lay my head on your chest
Hearing heart working
Moving nourishing blood
To everything.
As I touch your fingers
It accelerates
Your pupils widen
I know you are there with me
You know I am here with you.
We hear each other
From lip to ear
Whispering what we know
Exchanging feelings
Touching our insides together
With words
Nothing permanent
Everything honest
Living now, here.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
We taste the salt of our skins
Merging into one sea
From which we both have come
To meet in the middle
In the middle of the bed
In the crinkly soft woods
In the back seat of the car.
We merge and bring
Each other together
Sharing in the now
Uncurled, we brush away our fears
And collect together
The things we want to keep
And leave behind
Our losses, our hurts
We no longer need.
They shrink quickly
In the rear-view mirror
Left at the side of the highway
Forlorn
We don't need them anymore
Reduced to a speck on the horizon
Until they disappear
Gone from our hearts and our minds
The burden has lifted
We carry on, lighter.
About the Author
Wendy is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and a published author.
"I want everyone to know that abuse is not just something that happens to you, and then you move on. Abuse, especially at a young age, gets inside of you and changes how you view yourself and your world. It gets in the way of your free expression as your own unique self. Now I speak out, because our stories need to be told. I am a survivor. Together with other survivors we can bring this silent suffering to light, take hands together, bring the abusers out into the open, and stop the harming. It can be done."
Published by SurvivorSpace, an initiative of Zero Abuse Project
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