Meet Jillian Edwards Coburn

The beginning of abuse I've endured at the hands of the Catholic Church

green ceramic mug beside book

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

As of late, when people ask me “Who are you?” I answer with “I am a leading pioneer”. From my understanding after taking a personality test my daughter encouraged me to take, I learned that my personality type described me perfectly. I am a visionary, I am agile, I am innovative. The list goes on but those three are three traits of myself I have always encompassed. I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a wife, I am a mother, I am a friend.

But most importantly, I am Jillian Edwards Coburn.

My entire life has been centered around the Catholic doctrine and the Catholic faith.

I was told to seek refuge and guidance from a priest when things were going wrong in my life. I was taught that salvation was available to anyone who had faith in God, his son, or those who have entered the life of faith and who spread the message of God: for example, a priest or a nun, etc. My grandfather’s brother, Roy D Edwards, was my great uncle and also the priest at St Peter’s Church in Carencro, Louisiana. My father’s brother, Daniel Edwards, was the priest at St Jules in Lafayette, Louisiana. As far back as I remember, I can recall that every time I was in trouble or when I sinned, I was told to seek guidance from a priest. If I made the wrong decision, I had to see a priest. All I have known my entire life is the Catholic tradition.

The first recollection I have of fearing for my salvation was when I became pregnant with my eldest child, Gabriella, when I was 17 years old. I sought out guidance from a priest and told him I was pregnant and that I wanted to have an abortion. He warned me not to get one because I would never get to heaven- I would go to hell instead. I didn’t get the abortion, nor did I put Gabriella up for adoption. At 18 years old, I was forced to get married in the church because in my household we were taught to be submissive to Catholic authority, teaching, and tradition. We were taught to never question the Catholic authority; to never create what would be seen as a scandal in the eyes of the church. I was pressured to get married when I was a young adult, to a man I did not love because it was the right thing to do in the eyes of the Catholic church. Father Robicheaux told me to do the right thing because he held this authority of showing members of the clergy how to achieve salvation. He told me that when my marriage was bad, I should persevere and even “engage in more sexual conduct with my husband”. I obeyed what he said and I did as he told me to do.

grayscale photo of woman and man

Photo by Eric Mok on Unsplash

Photo by Eric Mok on Unsplash

This was only the beginning of the abuse I have endured at the hands of the Catholic Church. A church I still belong to, to this day. I see myself as a reminder to never give up hope, or faith. I am a walking testament of that. In the next few posts you will learn more about me and my experiences of abuse I have fallen prey to. I am no longer prey. I am no longer scared.

I stand with my head held high every day. Unafraid of the obstacles that I will come across. Through faith, therapy, and my support system I have been able to surpass the trauma I have been through.

I stand with my head held high every day. Unafraid of the obstacles that I will come across. Through faith, therapy, and my support system, I have been able to surpass the trauma I have been through.

But before I got to a state of healing, I suffered from extreme dissociation, finding myself repressing or justifying the negative things I was feeling. I was learning to live with the negativity rather than conquering it, which took me years to do. My purpose on this earth is to teach others how to conquer their past traumas rather than live with it because I don’t want anyone to ever be stuck in that headspace like I was.

So, come with me on this journey and let me guide you on the journey of forgiving yourself and overcoming your trauma.

woman sitting on sand

Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash

Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash

About the Author

Jillian Coburn is an entrepreneur, inventor, outdoorswoman, and mother of three who is passionately committed to supporting and elevating women who have nowhere to turn and living under the shadows of domestic violence. A survivor herself, she assists women living with abuse by empowering and teaching them how to get out, heal and build a life they’ve always imagined.

Jillian is an author, speaker, and advocate who is dedicated to preventing child sexual abuse and holding offenders accountable.

Published by SurvivorSpace, an initiative of Zero Abuse Project